Why I hate "some" people in Dallas

Why I hate “some” people in Dallas.

First of all I have compassion for other people’s feelings, but…when I look around the great city of Dallas, Texas, the city I call home, I can’t help but get really pissed off.

Here is the type of people I want to kick in the face:

The hipster at White Rock Coffee who is too hip to be sitting at Starbucks, I’m sure you’ve seen him before.  The guy with a pair of Buddy Holly glasses above a grimy beard, sporting a fedora and a flannel shirt from Urban Outfitters, simultaneously working on a tablet and IPhone in an orchestrated display of douche bagginess.

The “I’m entitled to everything” trophy wife from University Park in her Mercedes SUV who takes tennis lessons from a young Hispanic man, because she loves his company. 

The Uptown $50,000 millionaires, sitting on the patio cafes on McKinney Ave, trying to be something they’re not.  The gang banger wannabes at the DART train stations with their pants below their ass, showing the world where their brains really are.

 And my favorite… (Drum roll)….the asshole who cuts me off on 635 without using a signal!

And that is why I hate “some” of the people in Dallas.

 

Love Always-

Danny Keaton – Standup Comedian

www.DannyKeatonComedy.com

Sponsored by www.ComedyGuys.com if you have a traffic ticket in Texas you need to get rid of, go to #ComedyGuysDefensiveDriving

 

I will be posting weekly blog for ComedyGuys.com.  I would love your feed back on these blogs and any nice comments would be welcomed too.

Danny Keaton
www.DannyKeatonComedy.com

What ever happened to "Customer Service?"

Remember when, back in the day, if you had a problem with a service you could call a one-eight hundred number, "toll-free," no long distance charges and an actual person would answer and say "This is Judy, how may I help you?"

Now in the 21st century, the age of rapid communication and technology, if you call a customer service number you get the automated customer service recording! After you have wasted 5 minutes of going through 8 different prompts, even pressing zero to get a "customer service representative" only to be scolded by the recorded voice saying "that's not a valid entry!"...if you do get a human being on the line, its someone you can NOT understand or they can not understand you!

Before I do business with any company, insurance, cable, cell phone, etc, I'm going to call their customer service number, if a computer answers then I am hanging up and taking my business to a company who cares about their customers and uses actual human beings.

Danny Keaton
www.DannyKeaton.com
www.facebook.com/dannykeatoncomedy

The Dallas Cowboys ruined my Monday night!

I taught a defensive driving class in Fort Worth, then rushed home to watch the rest of the Cowboys vs. Giants, Monday night football game. OMG!!!! And I don't ever use that Hannah Montana reference!!! (I have two teenaged daughters and that's how I know that, I'm not a perv.)

Anyway, the Cowboys....well, you saw the game! I was bummed for the rest of the night, not even Jack Daniels could make the pain go away, like it did after my first marriage. Tony Romo maybe out for the season, is the season over for the 'boys, could Wade Phillips make a good Santa Claus??? All this is too complex for even the magic eight ball to answer! Oh well, GO RANGERS!!

A day in the life...of distorted reality

Today I taught a defensive driving class in Fort Worth, 14 students, they were amazing! I didn't sexual abuse any of them, physically anyway. I'm headed over to Daun's house, maybe watch a movie and smoke some weed! Peace out!

A day at White Rock Lake

Today me and my girlfriend Daun, walked around White Rock Lake in Dallas. It was 11 miles around the lake. Originally we were only going to walk to Garland Road from the parking lot of where we started but decided to go all the way around once we got to Garland Road. WTF!!!??? I feel like I've been gang raped by a pack of gorillas! I didn't think it would be that big of a deal to walk around the lake, boy was I wrong!

To Be Green Or Not To Be Green...That Is The ...I Forgot...

A Bill is being introduced, AB 2254 to the California Legislators in November, 2010 to legalize, tax and regulate marijuana. 57 percent of the voters who were polled are in favor to legalize it.
Here’s what I think, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger and certain California Lawmakers are on a “mission from God”; It will become law. Marijuana, weed, grass, Mary Jane, Buddha, wacky tobaccy…will be legal in California; THE FIRST SEAL WILL BE BROKEN.
All the major potheads will want to move to Cali, bringing with them all their sin. Once they cross the state line with their earth conscious automobiles or Greyhound buses into the Golden State, the land of milk and honey…and lots of munchies; THE SECOND SEAL WILL BE BROKEN.
Disneyland will have all kinds of magic! Mickey Mouse will have bloodshot eyes! Peter Pan will be smoking a bowl with Tinkerbell, thus; THE THIRD SEAL WILL BE BROKEN.
Jobs and billions in tax revenue will be created. Crime will be reduced and it will cut funding to the drug cartels, not to mention it will reduce police corruption; THE FOURTH SEAL WILL BE BROKEN.
The hippies will want to have a rock concert “love festival” somewhere in the Bay Area, with satanic rock-n-roll bands and gangsta rappers. They’ll talk about loving one another, peace…and the dawning of the “Age of Aquarius”; THE FIFTH SEAL WILL BE BROKEN, because some stoner tried to make a bong out of it.
Now that all the “bad people” will be living in California, the wretched will be in one place; THE SIXTH SEAL WILL BE BROKEN.
God will start his wrath. With a vengeance, he will take his mighty arm and slam it on to the west corner of the continent causing a catastrophic earthquake, dumping California into the Pacific Ocean; THE SEVENTH SEAL WILL BE BROKEN. God’s cleansing will be complete.
OK maybe that’s not going to happen but if it did, holy s#!%, I would be asked to go on Montel. Now, I’m not anti-alcohol or drugs for that matter, do what you do, right? Just don’t get behind the wheel and make that choice or argument that “even if I hit something, it’s only gonna be at 6 miles per hour.”
Don’t smoke or drink and drive, there are too many options, designated driver, taking keys away from a stoner (that’s always a fun time-so take up the keys before they start breaking out the Doritos), spend the night at wherever you are partying, call a cab, call for a ride. Even AAA has a program for safe rides and Narcotics Anonymous too, I think or so I’ve heard. Here’s a suggestion; smoke out at home, alone watching Karate Kid or Half Baked or around a drum circle Over 17,000 people are killed in DUI related crashes every year in the U.S.
PLEASE DON’T CONTRIBUTE! Have a good time but be sensible!
Write me with your comments and suggestions; I would love to hear them. Until then…
Take care and be safe-Danny Keaton
BE AWARE THERE IS A GENOCIDE GOING ON IN DALFUR, SUDAN! www.24hoursfordarfur.orgwww.myspace.com/comicdemexican